Let us cast our mind back to one of the scenarios that I outlined in the post on Monday. Your son is dead, he commited suicide and you had no idea there was even a problem. You are crippled with grief, guilt, self-doubt and fear that your whole life is a failure. You have a group of men that you regard as "friends". You have known them for years and at the pub great tales are told about previous conquests, young passing females are compared in a ribald fashion accompanied by much laughter, the sport that is in season is discussed with much intensity. It would be a completely fabricated story if I suggested that, in your time of emotional need, you approached these men for support. They wouldn't give it, of course, they have no idea how to, but you would know better than to even approach them. It would be a gross breach of the "male code of silence" on matters emotional and you would never do it.

It is about this time that you realise that, even though you have stacks of male friends, you are completely emotionally alone in the world. There is not a sinlge man in the world who you know that you can turn to for support in your time of greatest need. Sounds far fetched? Then you are probably a woman reading this because men know that, for most men, it is the reality. Even those men who are not in this perilous boat recognise that it is the reality for most men.

If you are a man, here is a test. Picture yourself in a state of utter grief being held and comforted by another man as you cried your heart out. Do you have a male friend who would be comfortable playing that role for you? For the most part the answer is emphatically "No". Not that it matters at one level because most men would never be capable of expressing their emotions to that extent anyway. Most men live in a world of emotional black and white, happy and angry are the only two emotions they allow themselves.

So you consider yourself a go getter, an acheiver? Well acheive this. Search out and establish friendships with some real men who are further down the path to becoming complete men than you are. Men who understand that it is not a sign of weakness to grieve, to be excited, to be scared, to be uncertain, to be apprehensive; men who do not have to compete with you or belittle you to prop up their own fragile egos. They are out there and you can find them if you look.

Here are 7 steps to male friendship (courtesy of Steve Biddulph)

1. Weed out any kind of competition from your friendships beyond the playful kind.
2. Stop trying to prove you are a man. Just be one.
3. Be affectionate. Give straight compliments from time to time and mean them.
4. Listen to your friends problems without trying to minimise them. Help your friends find their own solution instead of providing advice.
5. Join a men's group where men talk about their real lives and discuss the important things as well as the trivial.
6. Don't be afraid of grief, despite what you have been taught, it is a natural emotion for men too and not a sign of weakness to experience it.
7. Have fun with other men. Be noisy, wild and safe. Be proud of being a vibrant human male.