Based on months of careful analysis and at a cost of £3m, a conservative think tank in the UK believes it has stumbled on the reason for the ongoing success of the Australia's version of the Conservative Party, the Liberals. They have decided that it is John Howards surname that is the critical factor and have dumped Iain Duncan Smith in favour of Michael Howard.

Rumour has it that The Australian Labor Party has shamelessly ripped off this research and that Simon Crean has lodged a change of name deed poll with the Registry of Births Deaths and Marriages to change his name to Blair.