If you are looking for a model for a relationship that is mature, considerate and responsible then look no further than the gay and lesbian community. This is the finding of John Gottman, a University of Washington emeritus professor of psychology and Robert Levenson, a University of California, Berkeley, psychology professor.

In a longitudinal study lasting 12 years they studied the nature of relationships amongst 40 homosexual couples in the San Francisco Bay area and a similar number from a larger sample of heterosexual couples from Bloomington, Indiana. The couples were matched on age, education level, marital satisfaction and income.

Generally the way the two members of the couple interact is far more constructive in homosexual relationships. When an interaction commences negatively then, in a hetersexual relationship, 96% of the time it continues to deteriorate and becomes a power struggle. Interaction between homosexual couples is, in contrast, warmer, friendlier and less belligerent.

Additionally, over the years, homosexual couples generally become more communicative and heterosexual couples less so. Rather than the stereotype portrayed in the media of gay relationships as transient and flippant, this study points to many of these relationships as being long term, mature and stable, delivering security and satisfaction to the participants.

Perhaps even the most committed heterosexual should be looking to the homosexual approach to relationships to improve the quality of their own marriage.

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