Here are some actual adverts for your amusement:

In the "someone just wasn't thinking it through" category:

Anxious to 'include' as many minorities, religions and disabilities as possible, the human resources department of the University of Alberta has put up a Braille poster outside its main office. The poster has been placed inside a display case with a glass front.

From the personal ads section:

Abusive, Miserly, Impotent
psychopath with webbed feet
seeks companion to join in
cross-country killing spree.
Must be eager to die in hail of
gunfire. No Weirdos.
ROM#1245

I'm glad he's excluding weirdos.

For Sale:
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83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000

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SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE
89 cents

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HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"

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KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box

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FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.

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From pets section:

FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. HATEFUL LITTLE DOG.

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FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG

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FREE PUPPIES...
PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG

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GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.

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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE REWARD.

but this one wins:

SBF (Single Black Female) Seeks Male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a svelte good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods. Riding in your pickup truck. Hunting Camping Fishing trips. Cozy winter nights spent lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.

Kiss me and I'm yours. Call 555-XXXX and ask for Daisy.

(The phone number was the Humane Society and Daisy was an eight week old black Labrador Retriever.)

All ads curtesy of Harris Creative Group